Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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The Kind of House Buyers Are Willing To Pay More For

By KCM • September 13, 2026
The Kind of House Buyers Are Willing To Pay More For That spare room on the main floor. The finished basement with a kitchenette and its own entrance. The bonus room you've been using for storage. To you, it's extra space. But to a growing pool of buyers, it's the reason they'd pick your house . Here’s why. Multi-generational homebuying is on the rise. Millions of Families Are Living Multi-Generationally The number of multi-generational households is climbing. That’s when 3 or more generations live under one roof. And data shows those households grew from 3.2 million to almost 4 million between 2014 and 2024, according to Realtor.com. And each year, more people are shopping for a larger home that fits their combined needs. While the appetite for this type of house is rising across the board, data from USAFacts shows multi-generational living is more common in some states than others. The darker the state in the map below, the more common it is in that area (see map below): Where does your state fall? Depending on where you are, the pool of buyers looking for a house like yours could be even bigger than you’d think. But the overall bottom line is this. There’s a real market out there for larger homes with room for multiple generations under one roof, especially since affordability is still so tight. And if you own a house like that, it’s in demand . Multi-Generational Houses Sell at a Premium And that extra room carries real value with the right buyer. According to Realtor.com, in 2025 the median asking price for a multi-generational house was $709,000 – roughly 65% higher than the $429,900 median for a standard house. Some of that is simply size. But compare multi-generational homes to regular homes with the same amount of square footage, and they still come out on top – $262 per square foot versus $215. That’s a 22% premium you could command for special features like in-law suites, second kitchens, and separate entries (see graph below): When you sell , this could help you walk away with more money in your pocket, especially when your agent highlights your home’s multi-generational-friendly features in your listing. And Buyers Aren’t Getting Sticker Shock And even with slightly higher price tags, buyers aren't flinching. Multi-generational houses drew 13.5% more online views than standard ones, and they still sold just as fast – in about 59 days – per the same Realtor.com report . Hannah Jones, Senior Economic Research Analyst at Realtor.com, explains: "The strong demand and steep premiums we are seeing in inventory-constrained markets point to a real mismatch between what buyers are looking for and what is actually available . For sellers in these markets, this type of home can be a significant asset ." Basically, when buyers want something that's very specific, the house that checks the box tends to stand out. Bottom Line Your multi-generational-friendly, or simply larger-than-average, house might meet criteria a lot of buyers can't find in a standard one. That's what gets attention. And offers. So, let’s chat about what it could get you in our market right now.

How Much Should Sunlight Really Matter When Buying a House?

By The Lighter Side of Real Estate • September 12, 2026
There’s no question that technology has changed the way people search for homes. Years ago, buyers mostly relied on listing photos, a few short remarks, and eventually seeing the house in person. Today, buyers can explore properties through virtual tours, algorithm-powered estimates, flood maps, walkability scores, noise ratings, school data, commute times, and all sorts of other information before ever stepping foot inside a home. And now, one of the latest things buyers can assess online is how much sunlight a house gets throughout the day. The Sunny Side… and the Shady Side Recently, a real estate website introduced a new feature designed to estimate how much natural light a home receives room by room and hour by hour using AI and geospatial data. At first glance, the feature seems a little geared toward the idea that more sunlight is automatically better. The descriptions surrounding it focus heavily on bright spaces, natural light, and how sunlight can impact the feel of a home. And to be fair, plenty of buyers genuinely care about that. Some people absolutely love bright spaces with huge windows and sun-filled kitchens. On the other hand, plenty of buyers specifically prefer shade, cooler rooms, mature trees, or wooded lots with extra privacy. So while something like a “Sun Score” may initially sound designed for people who want sunlight pouring into every room of the house, it could just as easily become a tool for shade seekers to use in reverse. Of course, sunlight preferences are subjective anyway. For instance, a recent study found that while tree-filled neighborhoods tend to reduce stress for many people, not everyone responds the same way. Some people actually preferred more open, sunny environments instead. Sunlight Shouldn’t Outshine Everything Else At some point, though, you do have to wonder whether technology features are starting to encourage buyers to overthink things just a little bit. Because every house technically has sunlight. Unless, of course, you happen to be shopping for an underground bunker. And sunlight is literally outside all day… well, unless you live somewhere in the world that barely sees the sun for a few months of the year. The reality is, many buyers are still dealing with limited inventory, affordability challenges, rising insurance costs, competition, property taxes, and mortgage rates. In many markets and price ranges, it can already be difficult enough to find a house that checks the major boxes. So while a “Sun Score” might be a fun feature to explore, it probably shouldn’t become the deciding factor between buying an otherwise great house and walking away from it. On the Bright Side… You Have Some Control Over the Sunlight Unlike things such as location, taxes, school districts, layout, or price, sunlight is also one of the easier things to work around after you move in. You can trim trees, open blinds, repaint rooms brighter colors, improve lighting, enlarge windows, install skylights, or simply spend more time outdoors. And if you prefer less sunlight, there are plenty of ways to tone things down too, with landscaping, window treatments, covered patios, or simply choosing rooms that naturally stay cooler and darker throughout the day. The reality is that how much sunlight you get overall depends on a huge number of factors that have very little to do with the individual house itself — where you live geographically, the climate, weather patterns, surrounding terrain, time of year, nearby trees, neighboring homes, and even which direction the property faces. If maximizing sunshine is truly one of your top priorities, geography probably matters far more than the angle of your breakfast nook. According to data compiled by Visual Capitalist , cities like Yuma, Phoenix, and Las Vegas get dramatically more sunshine overall than many other parts of the country. At the end of the day though, buying a house has always involved balancing priorities. Every buyer has their own “must-have” list, and that’s completely reasonable. But sometimes technology can create the illusion that every tiny variable should be optimized perfectly, when in reality, most homeowners end up adapting to their home over time anyway. Or…adapting it to their liking in some way. The Takeaway: A new “Sun Score” feature introduced by a real estate website is designed to help buyers estimate how much natural light a home receives throughout the day. And while natural light is certainly something many people care about, it also raises an interesting question about how much information is too much information during the home search process. Today’s buyers already have access to more data, ratings, and scoring systems than ever before. While tools like this can be interesting and even useful, they can also create a tendency to overanalyze smaller details while losing sight of bigger priorities like location, layout, affordability, and overall fit. At the end of the day, every buyer has different preferences. Some love bright sunny spaces, while others prefer shade, privacy, or cooler wooded lots. The important thing is remembering that no home is going to score perfectly in every category — and most people end up making a house their own once they move in anyway.

14 Years Running: Why Real Estate Is Still America’s Favorite Investment

By KCM • September 10, 2026
14 Years Running: Why Real Estate Is Still America’s Favorite Investment Quick gut reaction. Which investment do Americans trust more than stocks, gold, savings accounts, and bonds? The answer hasn't changed in 14 years. It's real estate. And this year, that answer comes with even more conviction behind it. New data shows people aren't just saying homeownership is a smart move, they're feeling better about it than they have in years. Let's dig into why. Real Estate Takes the Top Spot – Again Every year, Gallup asks Americans to name the best long-term investment. And for the 14th year in a row, real estate came out on top (see graph below): That's not a fluke or a hot streak. That's 14 straight years of beating out stocks, gold, and everything else. Think about everything that's happened in that stretch – rising rates, market swings, election years, you name it. Through all of it, Americans kept picking real estate. That kind of staying power says something about how people view homeownership – and it makes sense. Historically, it’s one of the best ways to build wealth in this country. As Michelle Egan, Head of Credit Solutions, Impact Finance at JPMorgan Chase, explains : “ Owning a home has long been considered one of the most reliable ways to build wealth. Beyond providing shelter, a home is a valuable asset that can appreciate over time, build equity, and serve as a financial resource for generations.” Now, you may have seen chatter online saying home prices are falling and wondered if that changes the math. It really shouldn’t. Nationally, home prices are still rising – just at a slower pace than a few years ago. Yes, some local markets are seeing slight dips, but those dips are small compared to how much home values have grown over the past 5 years . Generally speaking, home prices almost always rise. As long as you plan to live there for a good length of time, you should still have the chance to build equity. More People Say Buying Beats Renting And while it's true homeownership has been seen as a worthwhile pursuit for years now, something interesting is happening. It may actually be gaining a bit more popularity again. According to Bank of America's latest Homebuyer Insights Report, 53% of people now say it's better to buy a home than to rent or move in with family. That's the first time buying has taken the lead since 2023 (see graph below): In that same report, here are a few other signals that confidence in homeownership is on the rise: 90% of people say a home is a valuable investment, up from 79% just last year. And 94% say owning a home provides stability, up from 83% the year prior. Those are relatively big jumps in a short amount of time. And here’s what may be driving it. It’s About More Than Money Sure, affordability is still tight and some markets are still hard to break into, but that hasn’t changed what people feel about homeownership as a goal. And the reason why is simple – it's not just a financial decision. It’s a lifestyle choice. A home pays you back in ways stocks never could. As Sheharyar Bokhari, Principal Economist at Redfin, says: " For many homeowners, a home is more than a place to sleep and store belongings—it's a reflection of who they are. Homeownership can help people put down roots, build relationships and create a space that feels uniquely their own." You can't get that from a brokerage account. A home is the one investment that grows your wealth and gives you a place to build your life. And that means something. Bottom Line For 14 years straight, Americans have called real estate the best long-term investment, and confidence in owning a home is on the rise. If you've been weighing whether buying is worth it, let's connect and talk through what that first step could look like for you.
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