Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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Is AI the New “Well-Meaning Dad” for Real Estate Buyers and Sellers?

By The Lighter Side of Real Estate • July 29, 2026
People are turning to AI for just about anything you can think of: Trying to figure out if a strange symptom is worth a doctor’s visit Drafting a text they’ve been overthinking for three days Deciding whether that noise coming from their car is “normal” or “you should probably pull over immediately” Even asking how to handle awkward conversations, negotiate a salary, or plan out major life decisions So of course, it makes sense that people buying or selling a home would turn to AI at different stages of the process. And to be fair, it can be incredibly useful. It can give you a general sense of how the process works, help you understand terminology, and prepare you to ask better questions. Ideally, it helps make things smoother. More efficient. More informed. But that really hinges on whether it’s actually giving you accurate information, and whether that information is being interpreted correctly. That’s not to say that AI always gives wrong or even bad advice. But one thing it always gives is…confident advice. And sometimes, that confidence can be misplaced. When Everyone’s AI Answer Is “Right”… Things Can Go Wrong A recent story making the rounds is a perfect example of how this can play out in real life. According to NewsNation , well-known celebrity agent Ryan Serhant shared how a major deal nearly fell apart because both sides were turning to AI for guidance during negotiations. Basically, the seller asked if they were accepting too low of an offer, and AI confidently said yes. On the other hand, the buyer asked if they were paying too much. And, wouldn’t you know it, they were confidently told that they were in fact overpaying. That led to both sides wanting to cancel the contract. The agents involved were able to step in, help their respective clients understand the market data, and ultimately bring the parties back together to salvage the deal. And that’s becoming a more common role in today’s market. Agents are having to help people navigate situations where the challenge isn’t a lack of information… but rather being too certain about the information they are receiving. Very Few People Actually Trust AI, Yet Many Still Follow Its Advice A recent survey found that while only 16% of people say they trust AI “a great deal,” yet many still rely on its answers when making decisions. Even more interesting: 58% of people admit AI has influenced their opinions 32% don’t fully understand how it generates answers And despite all of these things, many people still rely on the confident-sounding answer from AI over a trusted, verified source That’s a tricky combination. Because if you don’t fully understand how something works, it becomes very hard to recognize when it might be wrong. And when the answer is delivered in a way that sounds authoritative, it’s easy to accept it at face value. AI Is the New Dad in the Room In a way, none of this is entirely new. Real estate agents have been navigating this dynamic for years, it just typically comes from different sources. For instance: The well-meaning buyer’s dad at the home inspection. A relative who “sold a lot of houses” in their life. (It was two. And they were in the 80s and 90s.) Their hair stylist who knows every house on the market in town. That’s just to name a few examples. There are plenty of other people with thoughts and opinions they want to share with someone who is in the middle of buying or selling a home. And, while they come in all shapes and sizes, the one thing they all have in common is that they are absolutely, 100% confident in the advice they give. Unfortunately, their perspective and advice is often wrong or outdated, which puts the agent in a tough spot because they have to gently untangle advice that sounds logical, but isn’t actually good advice. People are often speculating how many jobs AI will replace in the near future. Will it replace the well-meaning friend or family member soliciting advice to home buyers and sellers? Probably not. Most likely AI will just be added to the list of outside advice agents have to help their clients assess and decide whether it’s accurate or not. And that’s really what this all comes down to. By all means, use AI. Ask it questions. Get a feel for things. Explore different angles. And while you’re at it, hear out the thoughts and advice of friends, family, and even that random person who sounds incredibly confident in what they’re saying. There’s nothing wrong with gathering input. But at the end of the day, just make sure you have an agent you trust helping you weigh the confident-sounding advice… so you can make a confident decision of your own. The Takeaway: More and more people are turning to AI for advice, and when it comes to buying or selling a home, that’s no exception. It can be a helpful starting point, giving you a general understanding of the process and helping you feel more prepared. The challenge is that AI often delivers confident answers that can sound right… even when they don’t fully apply. That’s why having a trusted agent matters. Not just to provide information, but to help you interpret what you’re hearing from AI (or even a well-meaning friend or relative), filter out what doesn’t apply, and guide you toward decisions that actually work in your specific situation.

Two Big Reasons To Move This Summer

By KCM • July 16, 2026
Two Big Reasons To Move This Summer A lot of people who want to move are telling themselves the same thing: "Maybe I'll just wait until later this year once things calm down." While waiting sounds like a good plan, there's something worth knowing before you decide. Rates aren’t expected to change much, so if that’s the #1 reason you’re waiting, it may not pay off. And there may be other things you miss out on in the meantime. Historically, Summer is one of the strongest seasons of the year for both buyers and sellers. And if you delay your move until Fall or Winter, some of those opportunities may already be fading. Buyers: Fresh Inventory Is Your Real Summer Advantage One of the biggest frustrations buyers have faced over the past few years has been a lack of affordable options . Maybe you’ve run into that yourself: You find a house you like, but it's out of your budget. You find something in your budget, but you don’t like it. Or worse, nothing interesting hits the market for weeks. Historically, Summer helps with that. Looking at data from the last few years, Summer months consistently bring more sellers into the market than later in the year. And that gives buyers a real window of fresh choices. According to Realtor.com, any given Summer month typically sees about 32% more fresh options than the average month from September-December. With more newly listed homes, there’s a better chance of finding one you like where the numbers actually work. Because all it really takes is one home to completely change your search. And if you’ve got more popping onto the market to choose from, maybe one of those is exactly what you need. But keep in mind, this seasonal window isn’t open forever. Fresh inventory tends to slow down once Summer ends. Many homeowners who planned to sell this year have already listed by then. Families who wanted to move before school starts have often already gotten it done, or at least, set it into motion. So, new listing activity usually cools as we head into Fall and Winter. Of course, every year is different. But if finding the right home at the right price has been your biggest challenge, waiting until later in the year may not necessarily give you more options. In fact, recent history suggests it may do just the opposite. Sellers: Homes Usually Sell for More in the Summer If you're thinking of selling, you may be considering holding off because you've seen headlines about lower asking prices, price cuts, and softer conditions in some markets. But those headlines don’t tell the whole story or convey just how much it varies by area. Here’s what you really need to know. Even though the market’s becoming more balanced and some pockets are experiencing price declines, that doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance to sell. Seasonality can still work in your favor no matter where you are . And this Summer could still give you the chance to sell for a good price. According to the National Association of Realtors (NAR), homes sold during a Summer month usually sell for about 4% more than homes sold during the typical month from September-December: Why? Summer buyers are usually operating on a set timeframe. They’re trying to move before the next school year or when they have more PTO and warmer weather to tour houses. That urgency can translate into better offers. Now, that doesn’t mean you should price your house 4% higher this Summer. That would actually be a mistake in today’s market. It just means if you’re looking to get as much for your house as you reasonably can, a Summer move could be a smarter play than waiting until later this year. Because based on typical seasonality , you may get more for your house than you would if you waited until the Fall or Winter (when there are typically fewer buyers active). And if you're considering a move anyway, that’s worth factoring in. Bottom Line Could waiting until later this year work out? Sure. But it's important to understand what you may gain by moving now too – that way you have the full picture before you decide. If a 2026 move is on your radar, let’s connect and talk about what matters most to you. Depending on your priorities, Summer could be your moment.

Why Staging Your House Could Pay Off This Spring

By KCM • July 12, 2026
Why Staging Your House Could Pay Off This Spring Selling your house this season? You’ve probably heard you should stage it before it hits the market. But what does that really mean – and is it worth the effort? The short answer is “yes,” especially right now. With more houses for sale this year, you’re likely wondering how to make the most money possible without your house sitting on the market. The answer is staging. It can help your house stand out, bring in stronger offers, and sell faster . As Nadia Evangelou, Principal Economist at the National Association of Realtors (NAR), puts it: “Staging matters. Preparing the home to be ‘buyer-ready’ attracts more buyers, especially now that inventory has increased.” Here's what staging actually involves and what it could do for your sale. What Is Home Staging? Home staging is the process of preparing your house, so it appeals to as many buyers as possible . That usually means decluttering, deep cleaning, rearranging furniture, and adding simple touches that help each room feel bright, open, and welcoming. The goal is to help buyers fall in love with the space and picture themselves living there , which makes them more likely to make an offer. Why Staging Is Worth the Effort Staged houses tend to perform better on almost every metric that matters when you sell. According to Redfin, staged homes have been shown to sell up to 73% faster than unstaged homes. And they often close in under a month, compared to anywhere from two to three months for vacant ones. There’s also a strong return on the money you spend. The Home Staging Institute says mid-level staging can deliver a 350% return on investment. On a $400k home, that turns the typical $4k cost into roughly $18k in added value when you sell (see graph below): By that estimate, that’s an extra potential profit of about $14k – a meaningful boost when you’re trying to maximize what you walk away with at closing. Your Staging Options And just in case you’re seeing that $4k upfront investment above and thinking, “I’m not going to spend that,” here’s what you should know. Staging doesn’t always have to mean hiring a full crew or filling your house with rented furniture. There are a few different paths you can take, depending on your budget and timeline. So, you could spend a lot less and still get a good return. Here are a few options: Professional staging. A stager handles everything from layout to décor, often bringing in their own inventory. According to the Home Staging Institute, costs typically range from $500 to $5k or more, depending on the size of your house. Virtual staging. Digital furniture and styling are added to your listing photos, which can be a budget-friendly option for vacant houses. DIY staging. If your budget is tight and your home only needs minor updates, decluttering, deep cleaning, and arranging furniture for flow can still make a real difference. Your agent can help you figure out which approach fits your house, your market, and your goals. Agents see what buyers respond to in open houses and showings every week, so they can give you specific, personalized recommendations on what’s worth your time and money (and what isn’t). That way you can get the most bang for your buck – no matter your budget. Bottom Line With more homes for sale right now, making a strong first impression matters. Staging can help your house sell faster and for more – and there's an option for almost every budget. If you’re getting ready to list, let’s talk about what level of staging makes sense for your house and make a plan for attracting the right buyers.
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