Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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How To Make Sure Your Sale Crosses the Finish Line

By KCM • December 12, 2025
How To Make Sure Your Sale Crosses the Finish Line If there was one simple step that could help make your home sale a seamless process, wouldn't you want to know about it? There’s a lot that happens from the time your house goes under contract to closing day. And a few things still have to go right for the deal to go through. But here’s what a lot of sellers may not know. There's one part of the process where some homeowners are hitting a road bump that’s causing buyers to back out these days. But don’t worry. The majority of these snags are completely avoidable, especially when you understand what’s causing them and how to be proactive. That’s where a great agent (and a little prep) can make all the difference. What’s Causing Some Buyers To Back Out The latest data from Redfin says 15% of pending home sales are falling through . And that’s not wildly higher than the 12% norm from 2017-2019. But it is an increase. That means roughly 1 in 7 deals today don’t make it to the closing table. But, at the same time, 6 out of 7 do. So, the majority of sellers never face this problem – and odds are, you won’t either. But you can help make it even less likely if you know how to get ahead. You might assume the main reason buyers are backing out today is financing. But that’s actually not the case. The most common deal breaker today, by far, is inspection and repair issues (see graph below): Here’s why that’s a sticking point for buyers right now: Buyers are already stretched thin from high prices and challenging mortgage rates, so they don’t have the appetite (or budget) for unexpected repairs. If they’re going to spend all that money, they want to get something that’s move-in ready. They don’t want to take on another high-cost project themselves. They have more homes to choose from, so if yours seems like a hassle or if you’re not willing to fix something, they can just move on. The sellers with the best agents have heard about this shift and they’re doing what they can to go in prepared. Enter the pre-listing inspection. What’s a Pre-Listing Inspection? It’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s a professional home inspection you schedule before your home hits the market. And while it’s not required, the National Association of Realtors (NAR) explains why it could be a valuable step for some sellers right now: “To keep deals from unraveling . . . it allows a seller the opportunity to address any repairs before the For Sale sign even goes up. It also can help avoid surprises like a costly plumbing problem, a failing roof or an outdated electrical panel that could cause financially stretched buyers to bolt before closing .” Think of it as a way to avoid future headaches. You’ll know what issues could pop up during the buyer’s inspection – and you’ll have time to fix them or decide what to disclose before you put your house on the market. This way, when the buyer’s inspector walks in, you’re ready. No surprises. No last-minute panic. No deal on the line. Is It Worth It? Generally speaking, a pre-listing inspection costs just a few hundred dollars. So, it’s not a big expense. And the information it gives you is invaluable. But before you make that investment, talk to your local agent. In some markets, it may not be worth it. And in others, it may be the best move you can make. It all depends on what’s happening where you are and what’s working for other local sellers. If your agent recommends getting one, they’ll also: Help you decide which issues to fix Prioritize repairs based on what buyers in your area are focusing on Connect you with trusted professionals to get the work done Ensure you understand local disclosure laws That small step could save your deal (and your timeline). Bottom Line So, if there was one simple step that could help make your home sale go according to plan, would you do it? If you’d rather deal with surprises on your terms (not with the clock ticking under contract), let’s talk about whether a pre-listing inspection makes sense for your house. It may be worth it so you can hit the market confident, prepared, and in control.

The 3 Housing Market Questions Coming Up at Every Gathering This Season

By KCM • December 10, 2025
The 3 Housing Market Questions Coming Up at Every Gathering This Season Whether it’s at a family gathering, your company party, or catching up with friends over the holidays, the housing market always finds its way into the conversation. Here are the top three questions on a lot of people’s minds this season, and straightforward answers to help you feel more confident about the market. 1. “Will I even be able to find a home if I want to move?” Yes, more than you could a year or two ago. The number of homes for sale has been rising over the past few years. According to data from Realtor.com, there have been more than one million homes on the market for six straight months, something that hasn’t happened since 2019 (see graph below): That means two things: Buyers have more options. Sellers have more places they can move to next. Many homeowners who held off are realizing the shelves aren’t bare anymore. So, if you hit pause on your home search last year because nothing fit your needs, it may be worth another look. With more homes on the market now, you’re not competing for the same handful of listings like you were a couple of years ago. And because there’s a bit more to choose from, homes aren’t disappearing the minute they hit the market. That gives buyers more space to breathe, more options to compare, and a little more time to make a confident decision. 2. “Will I ever be able to afford a house?” Affordability is starting to improve. Finally. It’s been a tough few years for buyers. But this year brought some much-needed good news: Mortgage rates have been easing. Home price growth has been moderating. That adds up to a monthly mortgage payment that’s hundreds of dollars lower than it would have been just a few months ago (see graph below): Buying still isn’t easy, but the numbers are starting to improve. For a lot of people, that means buying a home is becoming a more realistic goal again. 3. “Should I wait for prices to come down?” A lot of people worry that the housing market is about to crash, but the data doesn’t point in that direction. Yes, the number of homes for sale has been rising, but it’s still nowhere near the level needed for prices to fall significantly on a national scale. On top of that, homeowners today have a lot of equity and are in a much stronger financial position than they were back in 2008. Of course, every local market is a little different. Some areas are still seeing prices climb, while others that saw huge spikes a few years ago are leveling off or seeing small corrections. But overall, the national picture is clear: experts surveyed by Fannie Mae project home prices will keep rising, just at a slower, more normal pace (see graph below): That’s why waiting for a major price drop to get a deal isn’t a very strategic plan. History shows the same thing over and over: people who spend time in the market tend to build the most long-term wealth, not the people who try to time the market perfectly. Bottom Line Talk about the housing market can feel loud and confusing, especially when you’re hearing so many different takes. If you want to understand what these trends mean for your goals, let’s connect and walk through it together.

Thought the Market Passed You By? Think Again.

By KCM • December 9, 2025
Thought the Market Passed You By? Think Again. If you stepped back from your home search over the past few years, you’re not alone – and you’re definitely not out of options. In fact, now might be the ideal time to take another look. With more homes to choose from, prices leveling off in many areas, and mortgage rates easing, today’s market is offering something you haven’t had in a while: options. Experts agree, buyers are in a better spot right now than they’ve been in quite a long time. Here’s what they have to say. Affordability Is Finally Improving Lisa Sturtevant, Chief Economist at Bright MLS, says affordability is finally starting to turn the corner: “Slower price growth coupled with a slight drop in mortgage rates will improve affordability and create a window for some buyers to get into the market.” Mortgage rates have eased from their recent highs, price growth has slowed, and that one-two combo is making homes more affordable than they’ve been in months. There Are More Homes on The Market And a big reason prices are easing is because there are more homes on the market. According to the latest from Realtor.com, there are 17% more homes for sale today than there were at this time last year. That means more options, less competition with other buyers, and a chance to find the space that actually works for you. Lawrence Yun, Chief Economist at the National Association of Realtors (NAR), shares : “Homebuyers are in the best position in more than five years to find the right home and negotiate for a better price. Current inventory is at its highest since May 2020, during the COVID lockdown.” Take a look at the numbers. As Yun notes, inventory is up everywhere. Compared to this time last year, every region of the country has more homes on the market than at this time last year (see graph below): That translates to more homes to choose from, whether you’re looking for a bigger backyard, a shorter commute, or finally ditching your rental. But not all markets are the same… When you compare current inventory growth to pre-pandemic norms (2017–2019), the picture changes a bit, depending on where you are (see graph below): The green bars show where inventory has fully recovered (and even grown above pre-pandemic levels) in the South and the West. Supply, however, is still tighter in the Northeast and Midwest, as shown in the red bars, where inventory is still below normal. And here’s why that’s still a win everywhere. When you step back and look at the bigger picture, with inventory up in every region, that means more choices everywhere, even if some areas have more homes for sale than others. And with fewer buyers in the market and more homes for sale, sellers are willing to negotiate to get a deal done. All of that adds up to a win for today’s buyers. And it’s also why working with a local expert really makes a difference. What’s happening in your zip code or neighborhood might look different than the national or regional trend. But the overall takeaway is clear: with more homes on the market, buyers have more leverage than they did a year or more ago. So, if you stepped away from your search because things felt too competitive, too pricey, you were worried about finding a home, or it was all just too much to process, this could be your moment to take another look. And if you’re not quite ready to go all in, that’s okay too. You can start by planning ahead. That means working with a trusted agent who can help you break down your budget, narrow your search, and make sure you're prepped and ready when the right home hits the market. Bottom Line Want to know what’s happening in our area? Let’s have a conversation so you can get a custom overview of what’s available right now and learn how to be ready when the timing is right for you. Because this isn’t 2021. This isn’t even 2023 or 2024. This is a new market – and you might be surprised by what you find.
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